Reception. Full day. No relief. No contact from Amber. No contact from Jen. No replacement for no show.
Meeting room bookings. Cab bookings. Courier bookings. Special requests. Cutlery requests. Sales calls. Official calls. Tidy reception. Meeting room setup. Meeting room tidy. Appreciate Olivia.
Receive email from Amber. Attempting to find replacement temp. No help. Contact secondary temp agency. Need to come in to discuss needs. Explain needs. Follow up with email. Will get back to me. Don't get back to me. No replacement.
Deliveries to sign for. Post to sort. Meetings to organise. Dan the man. Witty quips. Anger rising. Deep breaths. Count to ten. Receive call from Amber. Don't care for chit chat. Want result. Temp coming in tomorrow. No real experience. Close. Available. I accept.
Tuesday
Monday
Temp No Show
Onsite early. Await Rachel - temp cover for Olivia. Think of Olivia enjoying beach related activities. Smile. Rachel - temp cover for Olivia late. Prepare handover notes. Rearrange notes. Still no show. Call Amber. Recruitment consultant. No answer. Leave a message. Express concern at lack of Rachel presence. Continue with further concerns. Beep. Cut off. annoyed. Receive call from Jen. Colleague of Amber. Excitable voice. Sounds out of breath. Talks too fast. Apologies for mixup. Rachel booked in for following week. Express concern at mixup. Double checked booking. note to forward emails as proof. Need immediate replacement. Non available. Unacceptable. Will call back with options. Demand options within an hour. Settle on reception. Consult handover notes. Think of beach related Olivia.
Friday
Handover Meeting
Provide jug of water. Two glasses. Olivia handover meeting. Purchase own Chocolate Digestive biscuits. Get holiday feeling started.
Olivia enters. Skirt too short. Top too low. Hair good. No need for tan. Perfect already. Comment? I decide not. No formal issues arising. No outstanding issues needing attention. Congratulate Olivia on excellent handover. Offer biscuit. Looks suspicious. Inform they are own supply. She smiles. I smile. Say I can produce receipt. She laughs. Sweet laugh. Enquire after holiday. Going with group of friends. Male and female. Good friends. Looking forward to sun. Sand. Sea. I stop her there. No need for more information. Wish her Bon Voyage. Request postcard. Joke. She goes. Packs up things. Says goodbye. Hope for postcard.
That is all…
Olivia enters. Skirt too short. Top too low. Hair good. No need for tan. Perfect already. Comment? I decide not. No formal issues arising. No outstanding issues needing attention. Congratulate Olivia on excellent handover. Offer biscuit. Looks suspicious. Inform they are own supply. She smiles. I smile. Say I can produce receipt. She laughs. Sweet laugh. Enquire after holiday. Going with group of friends. Male and female. Good friends. Looking forward to sun. Sand. Sea. I stop her there. No need for more information. Wish her Bon Voyage. Request postcard. Joke. She goes. Packs up things. Says goodbye. Hope for postcard.
That is all…
Temp Confirmed
Receive phone call from Amber. Effervescent voice. Over the top. Amber. Requested temp is available and excited about following week. Rachel will start 8.15am Monday. Usual hours 8.30 start. Extra fifteen minutes for handover and induction. Dress. Smart casual. Reiterate to Amber. Should Rachel prove unsuitable immediate replacement to be installed. Preferential list obvious from selection process. Amber agrees.
Decorating consumables arrive. Inspect delivery. Received twenty Painters Bib & Brace Deep pouch rubber button front pocket. Angled breast patch pocket. Back patch pocket. Rule pocket. Rubber button waist adjustment. Strong plastic snap fastening. Still only charged for one. Administrative error in our favour. Will save £12 per future decorating and manual labour activities. Quite a windfall. Like winning the lottery. Painting an Decorating lottery.
That is all…
Decorating consumables arrive. Inspect delivery. Received twenty Painters Bib & Brace Deep pouch rubber button front pocket. Angled breast patch pocket. Back patch pocket. Rule pocket. Rubber button waist adjustment. Strong plastic snap fastening. Still only charged for one. Administrative error in our favour. Will save £12 per future decorating and manual labour activities. Quite a windfall. Like winning the lottery. Painting an Decorating lottery.
That is all…
Thursday
Temp Selection. Handover Notes.
Receive update handover notes from Olivia. Previous notes on notes have been actioned. Review. Impressive. Additional information added further to notes. Job well done. Respond accordingly to Olivia. Instruct Olivia to put in time Friday PM to discuss any handover issues.
Weigh up four potential temp replacements for Olivia. Make ordered selection. Send immediate email to Amber with preferred list. Receive immediate phone call. Effervescent voice. Over the top. Amber. Enthused about decision. Will check availability. Get back to me. Could have said as much in email. Very excited to be helping. Get on with it!
That is all…
Weigh up four potential temp replacements for Olivia. Make ordered selection. Send immediate email to Amber with preferred list. Receive immediate phone call. Effervescent voice. Over the top. Amber. Enthused about decision. Will check availability. Get back to me. Could have said as much in email. Very excited to be helping. Get on with it!
That is all…
Olivia Handover Notes. Decorating Plan.
Receive references from Amber. Added note to give her a “shout” if more info required. No need to shout. Capable of reading references.
Receive email from Olivia. Handover notes attached. Review handover notes. Make notes on handover notes. Return to Olivia. Request notes on handover notes to be actioned by PM.
Action purchase of decorating consumables. Safety goggles. Provide impact protection from large particles due to tough polycarbonate lenses. All-round ventilation reduces fogging. Adjustable strap. Disposable low-density polythene dust sheet (LDPE). Thin clear polythene sheeting suitable for use once then thrown away. Purchase 10. Painters Bib & Brace Deep pouch rubber button front pocket. Angled breast patch pocket. Back patch pocket. Rule pocket. Rubber button waist adjustment. Strong plastic snap fastening. Overkill on pockets. Black plastic roller tray. 9 inches. Purchase four. 5 piece top quality professional paint & varnish brushes. Made with pure black bristle. Mix of SRT for improved performance. Natural wood, beaver tail handle with stainless steel ferrule. Nice tools. Branded trade diamond brilliant white matt emulsion. 5 litre cans. Purchase 10. Note to comply with COSHH regulations. Masking tape 25mm x 50m roll. Purchase 10 rolls. Project Decorate has a green light.
That is all…
Receive email from Olivia. Handover notes attached. Review handover notes. Make notes on handover notes. Return to Olivia. Request notes on handover notes to be actioned by PM.
Action purchase of decorating consumables. Safety goggles. Provide impact protection from large particles due to tough polycarbonate lenses. All-round ventilation reduces fogging. Adjustable strap. Disposable low-density polythene dust sheet (LDPE). Thin clear polythene sheeting suitable for use once then thrown away. Purchase 10. Painters Bib & Brace Deep pouch rubber button front pocket. Angled breast patch pocket. Back patch pocket. Rule pocket. Rubber button waist adjustment. Strong plastic snap fastening. Overkill on pockets. Black plastic roller tray. 9 inches. Purchase four. 5 piece top quality professional paint & varnish brushes. Made with pure black bristle. Mix of SRT for improved performance. Natural wood, beaver tail handle with stainless steel ferrule. Nice tools. Branded trade diamond brilliant white matt emulsion. 5 litre cans. Purchase 10. Note to comply with COSHH regulations. Masking tape 25mm x 50m roll. Purchase 10 rolls. Project Decorate has a green light.
That is all…
Wednesday
Fork Fallout Continues. Office Move Meeting.
Office Move Meeting. Wait 30 minutes past start time. Nobody attends. Disappointed. Return to desk. Begin email to Managing Director. No need. Receive email from Managing Director regarding office move and office move meeting. Plans put on hold for foreseeable future. Respond accordingly. File plans in blue sky projects folder. Email Olivia to clear secondary boardroom. Instruct to return biscuits to biscuit store. Note to check all biscuits were returned.
Continuing stream of emails regarding forks. Continue responding that Dan the Man is point of contact. Receive email from Daniel. Dan the man. Congratulates me on winning the battle. Email meant in good humour. Received as such. Respond pointing out importance of order in abnormally small kitchen. Receive response agreeing with stance. Contraband fork battle over.
For now.
That is all…
Continuing stream of emails regarding forks. Continue responding that Dan the Man is point of contact. Receive email from Daniel. Dan the man. Congratulates me on winning the battle. Email meant in good humour. Received as such. Respond pointing out importance of order in abnormally small kitchen. Receive response agreeing with stance. Contraband fork battle over.
For now.
That is all…
Fork Fallout. Temp CVs.
Receive email from Amber regarding temp replacement for Olivia during annual leave. No CVs attached. Respond accordingly. Receive immediate phone call. Effervescent voice. Over the top. Amber. Having one of those days. Hilarious. Just send CVs now. Receive email with CV attachments. Begin review. Impressive selection. Select four within budgeted salary range. Request references.
Prepare secondary boardroom for Office Move Meeting. Abandon usual Internal Meeting Biscuit Policy and provide plain Digestive biscuits along with tea and coffee. Prep audiovisual equipment for presentation of prospective floor layouts and move initiative.
Inbox flooded with fork requests and queries. Respond suggesting Dan the man is relevant point of contact.
That is all…
Prepare secondary boardroom for Office Move Meeting. Abandon usual Internal Meeting Biscuit Policy and provide plain Digestive biscuits along with tea and coffee. Prep audiovisual equipment for presentation of prospective floor layouts and move initiative.
Inbox flooded with fork requests and queries. Respond suggesting Dan the man is relevant point of contact.
That is all…
Tuesday
Kitchen Plan
Update company holiday database with Olivia’s details. Instruct Olivia to make necessary arrangements on personal timesheet computer programme.
Contact recruitment agency on PSL (preferred supplier list) give point by point requirement of right candidate. Immediately receive phone call. Effervescent voice. Over the top. Named Amber. Dislike name. Called for a chat. Don’t want a chat. Discuss needs. Needs detailed in email just sent. Tell more about role. They recruited Olivia. Should know role inside out. Will have a think. Ping some ideas across. Tempted to point out Ping is a radar term. Decide against it. Going to find me a star. Just get on with it. Dislike recruitment consultants.
Email Olivia to begin work on comprehensive handover document for prospective temp. Include step by step guide to daily tasks. Good to remind Olivia of own role. Instruct to be ready for review by Thursday AM. Sidenote to observe kitchen whilst Olivia on leave. Teabagging occurs on average three times every two weeks. One third of occasions there is a 200 percent increase in teabag residue. Teabagging occurred today. If Olivia is teabagger occasion will not arise for two weeks from today. Gives three day cross over period. Guilt could be proved. Guilt could be disproved.
Daniel. Dan the man. Evening plan formulated. Operation Fork Contraband in action. Instruct cleaners to collect all forks. Wash and sanitise. Leave in plastic container supplied. Attend onsite after stated cleaning hours. Alone. Locate luxury muesli packet. Obtain contraband fork supply. Secure contraband fork supply. Secure regular fork supply. Replace contraband fork supply with calling card from “Forkman of the Apocalypse.” I smile.
That is all…
Contact recruitment agency on PSL (preferred supplier list) give point by point requirement of right candidate. Immediately receive phone call. Effervescent voice. Over the top. Named Amber. Dislike name. Called for a chat. Don’t want a chat. Discuss needs. Needs detailed in email just sent. Tell more about role. They recruited Olivia. Should know role inside out. Will have a think. Ping some ideas across. Tempted to point out Ping is a radar term. Decide against it. Going to find me a star. Just get on with it. Dislike recruitment consultants.
Email Olivia to begin work on comprehensive handover document for prospective temp. Include step by step guide to daily tasks. Good to remind Olivia of own role. Instruct to be ready for review by Thursday AM. Sidenote to observe kitchen whilst Olivia on leave. Teabagging occurs on average three times every two weeks. One third of occasions there is a 200 percent increase in teabag residue. Teabagging occurred today. If Olivia is teabagger occasion will not arise for two weeks from today. Gives three day cross over period. Guilt could be proved. Guilt could be disproved.
Daniel. Dan the man. Evening plan formulated. Operation Fork Contraband in action. Instruct cleaners to collect all forks. Wash and sanitise. Leave in plastic container supplied. Attend onsite after stated cleaning hours. Alone. Locate luxury muesli packet. Obtain contraband fork supply. Secure contraband fork supply. Secure regular fork supply. Replace contraband fork supply with calling card from “Forkman of the Apocalypse.” I smile.
That is all…
Kitchen Revolution
Enter kitchen. Anger. Four teabags present in sink. Teabagger strikes with vigour. Observe office. Olivia indifferent. Guilty looks non existent. Immediately log into Kitchen Cam. CCTV on food preparation area. Excitement. Rerun footage from early morning to present. Kitchen busy. Unable to ascertain teabagger identity. Kitchen cam has failed. Observe further footage. Teabagger still unattainable. Note to move position of Kitchen Cam. Note to engage secondary Kitchen Cam closer to sink. Wait. Observe. Breakthrough. Contraband fork evidence obtained. Daniel. Dan the man. Client services department. Unmasked. Footage displays contraband forks kept in luxury muesli packet. Middle cupboard. Top shelf. Dishing out forks. Willy nilly. Screen grab images of offending actions. Begin allstaffer. Paste screen grabs of offending actions in body of message. Wait. Think. Delete allstaffer draft. Don’t send. Play game. Outsmart. Win.
Receive email from Olivia requesting ten days annual leave beginning following Monday. Exciting deal found. Winter sun. Apologies for short notice. Company holiday policy states that two weeks notice must be given before booking holiday. In operations department suitable checks must be made with all other departments to ascertain needs over period of absence. If heightened operations attention needed over period of absence annual leave request should be denied. Think. Present period traditionally quiet. Feeling buoyant. Please Olivia is not purveyor of contraband forks. Approve request. Enquire as to destination. Out of interest. Thailand. Beach resort. Looking forward to tanning. Dusting off bikini. Interesting. Respond saying look forward to seeing her new tan. Immediately regret sending. Responds with smiley face. I smile.
That is all…
Receive email from Olivia requesting ten days annual leave beginning following Monday. Exciting deal found. Winter sun. Apologies for short notice. Company holiday policy states that two weeks notice must be given before booking holiday. In operations department suitable checks must be made with all other departments to ascertain needs over period of absence. If heightened operations attention needed over period of absence annual leave request should be denied. Think. Present period traditionally quiet. Feeling buoyant. Please Olivia is not purveyor of contraband forks. Approve request. Enquire as to destination. Out of interest. Thailand. Beach resort. Looking forward to tanning. Dusting off bikini. Interesting. Respond saying look forward to seeing her new tan. Immediately regret sending. Responds with smiley face. I smile.
That is all…
Monday
Decorating Action Plan
Make executive decision RE work experience placement candidate scheme. Akil pick of bad bunch. Scheme abandoned for this year. Revisit with reconsidered approach. Place more emphasis on selection process.
Receive decorating work quote from Suit Decorator. Quick response impressive. Quote not impressive. Make further executive decision to tackle work personally. Clear personal diary for this weekend. Cancel appointments in favour of work. No appointments to cancel. Task simple.
Receive email from Managing Director’s PA regarding Office Move Meeting concerns. Managing Director is concerned no progress made on “getting something in the diary.” Anger. Respond copying in Managing Director explaining progress has been made. Forward on previous email responses to moving of meeting. Forward on previous emails relating to office move formula and process.
Receive Out of Office response from Managing Director’s PA and Managing Director. Forward all correspondence including responses to outsourced IT Manager. Receive Out of Office from outsourced IT Manager. Observe outsourced IT Manager is seated directly opposite from my position. On the phone. Approach in person. Demand resolution.
That is all…
Receive decorating work quote from Suit Decorator. Quick response impressive. Quote not impressive. Make further executive decision to tackle work personally. Clear personal diary for this weekend. Cancel appointments in favour of work. No appointments to cancel. Task simple.
Receive email from Managing Director’s PA regarding Office Move Meeting concerns. Managing Director is concerned no progress made on “getting something in the diary.” Anger. Respond copying in Managing Director explaining progress has been made. Forward on previous email responses to moving of meeting. Forward on previous emails relating to office move formula and process.
Receive Out of Office response from Managing Director’s PA and Managing Director. Forward all correspondence including responses to outsourced IT Manager. Receive Out of Office from outsourced IT Manager. Observe outsourced IT Manager is seated directly opposite from my position. On the phone. Approach in person. Demand resolution.
That is all…
Akil Absent – Decorating Plan
No Akil. No work experience placement replacement. Receive emails regarding Akil’s absence. Respond accordingly. Not fulfilling work experience placement criteria. Poor attitude. Not right for company ethos. Dispatched accordingly. Send immediate allstaffer referring the Akil’s departure to quash insurgent emails. Point out security changes following departure. Alarm code. Door entry code.
Painter and decorator appointment. Redecorating following damp damage. Need to obtain quote. Painter and decorator in suit. Attempt to promote professional approach. Doesn’t work. Tie inconsistent with suit pattern. Tour areas needing attention. Inform job specifications and requirements. Makes notes. Slight nervous tick. Unnerving. Distracting.
Receive email from Olivia regarding Akil investigation. Betrayal of work experience placement candidate continues. Point out Akil was keen to assist with investigation. Got carried away. Another reason Akil dispatched. All staff viewed as suspects. Olivia appeased.
That is all…
Painter and decorator appointment. Redecorating following damp damage. Need to obtain quote. Painter and decorator in suit. Attempt to promote professional approach. Doesn’t work. Tie inconsistent with suit pattern. Tour areas needing attention. Inform job specifications and requirements. Makes notes. Slight nervous tick. Unnerving. Distracting.
Receive email from Olivia regarding Akil investigation. Betrayal of work experience placement candidate continues. Point out Akil was keen to assist with investigation. Got carried away. Another reason Akil dispatched. All staff viewed as suspects. Olivia appeased.
That is all…
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