Akil Absent – Decorating Plan

No Akil. No work experience placement replacement. Receive emails regarding Akil’s absence. Respond accordingly. Not fulfilling work experience placement criteria. Poor attitude. Not right for company ethos. Dispatched accordingly. Send immediate allstaffer referring the Akil’s departure to quash insurgent emails. Point out security changes following departure. Alarm code. Door entry code.

Painter and decorator appointment. Redecorating following damp damage. Need to obtain quote. Painter and decorator in suit. Attempt to promote professional approach. Doesn’t work. Tie inconsistent with suit pattern. Tour areas needing attention. Inform job specifications and requirements. Makes notes. Slight nervous tick. Unnerving. Distracting.

Receive email from Olivia regarding Akil investigation. Betrayal of work experience placement candidate continues. Point out Akil was keen to assist with investigation. Got carried away. Another reason Akil dispatched. All staff viewed as suspects. Olivia appeased.

That is all…

Akil First Week Feedback

Organise and attend one to one with Akil to give initial feedback on first week of work experience placement. Consult original emails from Akil detailing ambitions and expectations to be obtained and achieved through work experience placement. Consult transcript made of original telephone interview. Cross reference said ambitions and expectations with actual achievements. Note 53 percent uptake in achievement. Respectable start. Make reference to impeccable basement storage inventory. Make particular mention of colour coding used. First rate. Professional standard.

Move to other projects. Express disappointment with lack of movement with contraband fork investigation. Express increased disappointment with lack of surveillance on Olivia’s tea-making habits. Suggest personal feelings have clouded judgement. Akil refuses to spy on Olivia. Feels morally compromised. Suggest that moral compromise necessary for completion of work experience placement. Akil angry. Attempt compromise. Akil not interested. Express importance for negotiation in adult working life. Not interested. Express disappointment in declining attitude. Decide to terminate work experience placement.

That is all…

Akil and Bagging the Teabags

Arrive early. Office empty. Have instructed successful work experience placement candidate, Akil to be onsite. He arrives. Popeye arms. Muscle man. Weak handshake. Disappointed. Keen to start. Postpone Health and Safety induction. Make for kitchen. Attack storage cupboards with vigour. Remove all teabag and tea related equipment. Remove all coffee and coffee related equipment. Contact local shop. Cancel milk order. Akil assists. Confused. Useful. Secure tea and tea related equipment. Secure coffee and coffee related equipment. Send immediate allstaffer reemphasising Kitchen Hygiene Policy. Lay blame at feet of teabagger. Imagine Olivia’s reaction.

Conduct Health and Safety induction with Akil. Show fire exit routes and fire assembly point. Make joke about assembly point being opposite pub not in it. No laughter. Serious. Good. Explain importance of Health and Safety in work place. Relate story of disastrous full emergency evacuation drill.

Set up Akil with computer. Desk. Phone. Brief Akil on duties relating to work. Brief Akil on Olivia surveillance. Confused. Agrees. Plan engaged.

Olivia enters. I watch. Takes off coat. I watch. Switches on computer. I watch. Moves to kitchen. I watch. Opens cupboard. I watch. Looks for tea. I watch. Can’t find tea. I smile.

That is all…

Work Experience and Teabagger

Receive email form Managing Director’s PA. Office Move meeting moved to Tuesday PM due to diary clash. Respond accordingly.

Receive call from one of two potential work experience placement candidates. Akil. Very keen. Very eager. Unavailable for pre-arranged interview due to gastric flu. Questionable. Response to interview questions rated medium to impressive. Free ASAP. Could be tool in Contraband Fork investigation. Possible to team him up with Olivia when not needed by me. Keen to experience role. Willing to go out of remit when required. No job too small. Willing to work for travel reimbursement. Lives close. Travel reimbursement cost minimal. Way under budget. Engage services. To begin Monday AM.

Receive call from second of two potential work experience placement candidates. Lucy. Called too late. Not interested. Goodbye.

Anger. Kitchen hygiene has been violated. Teabag left in sink. Unacceptable. Blatant disregard for Kitchen Hygiene. Log into Kitchen Cam CCTV on food preparation area. Blank screen. Network feed not interrupted. Investigate. Piece of White 80gsm A4 paper secure in front of lens with Blue Tac. Remove paper. Remove Blue Tac. Remove slight grease residue of Blue Tac from wall. More anger. Teabag and lens obscuration blatant personal attack. Wait. Think. Revenge.

Note to assign Akil to observe Olivia’s tea-making habits.

That is all…

Roof

Roofer onsite. In shorts. It’s winter. Long grey beard. Woolly hat. Shouts. Definitely deaf. Take tour of damp areas. Minor downpour previous evening providing fresh evidence of problem. Single Ply Roofing prone to leaks. Abscond for further investigation. Shorts clears stones. Investigates Polyurethane Membrane. Shorts shouts that possible breach has occurred. Microscopic holes caused by pressure from stones on Polyurethane Membrane. Pressure caused by people walking one stones. Observe used cigarette evidence suggesting area being used as break area. Note to send immediate allstaffer regarding roof access contravening Health and Safety policy. Disciplinary action for those that flout the rules. Note to point out Danger of Death. Note to make Danger of Death bold and change colour of text to red. Note to also underline. Danger of Death is serious. Note to investigate options to secure roof access further. Polyurethane membrane needs to be replaced. Note to add to allstaffer cost incurred from flirting with Danger of Death. Note to add smoking is also Danger of Death. Have second thoughts on last thought. Smoking is their choice. Roof is not. Shorts shouts goodbye. leaves woolly hat. Bits of beard hair in it. Bag it. Tag it as lost property.

Attempt contact with work experience candidates. Both fail to answer phone. Telephone interview pr-arranged. Disregard for order apparent. Have second thoughts. They have until midday to return calls.

That is all…

Work Experience Update and Risk Assessment

Receive email form Managing Director’s PA. Office Move meeting moved to Friday PM due to diary clash. Respond accordingly.

Receive emails back from three potential Work Experience candidates. Not impressive. Decide on two for telephone interview. Arrange time Friday AM. Draw up questions.

Receive email from Managing Director regarding Risk Assessment. “Do what I need to do – don’t understand H&S.” Respond accordingly. Point out that post office move need new Risk Assessment. Doubt response. Begin plan to implement changes.

Subtle enquiries regarding Fork Policy violation. Negative outcome. Olivia protected. Need rethink. Need conclusion.

That is all…

Work Experience and Kitchen Cam

Consult work experience candidate file. Investigate CV’s for potential two week placement. Start ASAP. Look for outstanding applicants. None. Look for enthusiasm. Limited. Look for good grammar. Three potentials selected. Send immediate email to three potential candidates requesting further information relating to goals. Ambitions. Await response.

Kitchen Cam returned to full functionality. Position moved. More secure. Hidden. Network feed for Kitchen Cam strengthened. Further security. Set Kitchen Cam to record between 8am and 8pm.

Make discrete enquiries regarding Fork Policy infringement. Try small talk. Don’t like small talk.

That is all…