Christmas Party - Aftermath Continued

Head banging. Stomach churning. Contraband Eggnog taste still in mouth. Office deserted all day. Complete disaster zone. Discover female underwear in three separate locations. Discovered male sock on Christmas tree. Kitchen Cam removed from wall. Destroyed.

Contact cleaning company to commence clean up operation. Man in the scarf laughs down phone. Inappropriate response from service provider. Note to review contract in new year.

Survey office for damage. Kitchen Cam only true casualty. Additional mess manageable. Begin checklist and plan for cleaners.

Discover inappropriate graffiti in client toilet. Send out immediate allstaffer regarding size and nature of drawing. Looks like it had been traced. Suspect perpetrator still has black outline on self. Contemplate ID parade. Impractical. Depleted workforce in attendance.

Note to write strongly worded letter to Karaoke company. Note to quote appropriate sections of Health and Safety legislation relating to electrical goods.

Note to call Julia the Junior in for immediate disciplinary.

Note to follow up discussion with MD relating to payrise.

Note to apologise to Olivia…

That is all…

Kitchen Revolution

Enter kitchen. Anger. Four teabags present in sink. Teabagger strikes with vigour. Observe office. Olivia indifferent. Guilty looks non existent. Immediately log into Kitchen Cam. CCTV on food preparation area. Excitement. Rerun footage from early morning to present. Kitchen busy. Unable to ascertain teabagger identity. Kitchen cam has failed. Observe further footage. Teabagger still unattainable. Note to move position of Kitchen Cam. Note to engage secondary Kitchen Cam closer to sink. Wait. Observe. Breakthrough. Contraband fork evidence obtained. Daniel. Dan the man. Client services department. Unmasked. Footage displays contraband forks kept in luxury muesli packet. Middle cupboard. Top shelf. Dishing out forks. Willy nilly. Screen grab images of offending actions. Begin allstaffer. Paste screen grabs of offending actions in body of message. Wait. Think. Delete allstaffer draft. Don’t send. Play game. Outsmart. Win.

Receive email from Olivia requesting ten days annual leave beginning following Monday. Exciting deal found. Winter sun. Apologies for short notice. Company holiday policy states that two weeks notice must be given before booking holiday. In operations department suitable checks must be made with all other departments to ascertain needs over period of absence. If heightened operations attention needed over period of absence annual leave request should be denied. Think. Present period traditionally quiet. Feeling buoyant. Please Olivia is not purveyor of contraband forks. Approve request. Enquire as to destination. Out of interest. Thailand. Beach resort. Looking forward to tanning. Dusting off bikini. Interesting. Respond saying look forward to seeing her new tan. Immediately regret sending. Responds with smiley face. I smile.

That is all…

Work Experience and Teabagger

Receive email form Managing Director’s PA. Office Move meeting moved to Tuesday PM due to diary clash. Respond accordingly.

Receive call from one of two potential work experience placement candidates. Akil. Very keen. Very eager. Unavailable for pre-arranged interview due to gastric flu. Questionable. Response to interview questions rated medium to impressive. Free ASAP. Could be tool in Contraband Fork investigation. Possible to team him up with Olivia when not needed by me. Keen to experience role. Willing to go out of remit when required. No job too small. Willing to work for travel reimbursement. Lives close. Travel reimbursement cost minimal. Way under budget. Engage services. To begin Monday AM.

Receive call from second of two potential work experience placement candidates. Lucy. Called too late. Not interested. Goodbye.

Anger. Kitchen hygiene has been violated. Teabag left in sink. Unacceptable. Blatant disregard for Kitchen Hygiene. Log into Kitchen Cam CCTV on food preparation area. Blank screen. Network feed not interrupted. Investigate. Piece of White 80gsm A4 paper secure in front of lens with Blue Tac. Remove paper. Remove Blue Tac. Remove slight grease residue of Blue Tac from wall. More anger. Teabag and lens obscuration blatant personal attack. Wait. Think. Revenge.

Note to assign Akil to observe Olivia’s tea-making habits.

That is all…

Work Experience and Kitchen Cam

Consult work experience candidate file. Investigate CV’s for potential two week placement. Start ASAP. Look for outstanding applicants. None. Look for enthusiasm. Limited. Look for good grammar. Three potentials selected. Send immediate email to three potential candidates requesting further information relating to goals. Ambitions. Await response.

Kitchen Cam returned to full functionality. Position moved. More secure. Hidden. Network feed for Kitchen Cam strengthened. Further security. Set Kitchen Cam to record between 8am and 8pm.

Make discrete enquiries regarding Fork Policy infringement. Try small talk. Don’t like small talk.

That is all…