Kitchen Plan. Kitchen Contract. Bike Policy. Kitchen Cam - CCTV on food preparation area. Fork Policy. Fork Contraband investigation. Spoon Policy. Meeting Room Policy. Crime. Security review. CCTV. Teabagger. Taxi Policy. Taxi review. Solenoid locks. Emergency Evacuation Drill...
Oh and Olivia.
Does it all mean anything?
Yes it does!
It's mine. It's my life. It's important.
That is all...
Showing posts with label cctv. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cctv. Show all posts
Wednesday
Tuesday
Kitchen Revolution
Enter kitchen. Anger. Four teabags present in sink. Teabagger strikes with vigour. Observe office. Olivia indifferent. Guilty looks non existent. Immediately log into Kitchen Cam. CCTV on food preparation area. Excitement. Rerun footage from early morning to present. Kitchen busy. Unable to ascertain teabagger identity. Kitchen cam has failed. Observe further footage. Teabagger still unattainable. Note to move position of Kitchen Cam. Note to engage secondary Kitchen Cam closer to sink. Wait. Observe. Breakthrough. Contraband fork evidence obtained. Daniel. Dan the man. Client services department. Unmasked. Footage displays contraband forks kept in luxury muesli packet. Middle cupboard. Top shelf. Dishing out forks. Willy nilly. Screen grab images of offending actions. Begin allstaffer. Paste screen grabs of offending actions in body of message. Wait. Think. Delete allstaffer draft. Don’t send. Play game. Outsmart. Win.
Receive email from Olivia requesting ten days annual leave beginning following Monday. Exciting deal found. Winter sun. Apologies for short notice. Company holiday policy states that two weeks notice must be given before booking holiday. In operations department suitable checks must be made with all other departments to ascertain needs over period of absence. If heightened operations attention needed over period of absence annual leave request should be denied. Think. Present period traditionally quiet. Feeling buoyant. Please Olivia is not purveyor of contraband forks. Approve request. Enquire as to destination. Out of interest. Thailand. Beach resort. Looking forward to tanning. Dusting off bikini. Interesting. Respond saying look forward to seeing her new tan. Immediately regret sending. Responds with smiley face. I smile.
That is all…
Receive email from Olivia requesting ten days annual leave beginning following Monday. Exciting deal found. Winter sun. Apologies for short notice. Company holiday policy states that two weeks notice must be given before booking holiday. In operations department suitable checks must be made with all other departments to ascertain needs over period of absence. If heightened operations attention needed over period of absence annual leave request should be denied. Think. Present period traditionally quiet. Feeling buoyant. Please Olivia is not purveyor of contraband forks. Approve request. Enquire as to destination. Out of interest. Thailand. Beach resort. Looking forward to tanning. Dusting off bikini. Interesting. Respond saying look forward to seeing her new tan. Immediately regret sending. Responds with smiley face. I smile.
That is all…
Crime
Receive urgent email from member of staff. Great personal loss. Victim of crime. Front bike light stolen. Bikes stored in bike racks in front courtyard. Covered by CCTV. Commence investigation.
Interview member of staff. Ascertain rough time front bike light stolen.
Log into building CCTV system. Select camera relevant. Input time and date parameters. Review footage. 8.11am. Member of staff arrives. Secures bike. Adjusts trousers. Enters building. 8.16am. Second member of staff arrives. On foot. Talking on telephone. 8.23am. Hooded youth enters front courtyard. Looks around. Observes bikes in bike rack. Quickly identifies target. Steals forward. Steals light. 8.28. Retreats to street. Five minutes flat. Impressive. Log into secondary camera near street. East facing. No footage. Suggests hooded youth absconded in westerly direction.
Inform local Safer Neighbourhoods Policing Team. Note irony of name. Obtain crime reference number. Furnish member of staff with crime reference number for insurance purposes. Screen grab image of hooded youth. send out immediate allstaffer with image urging vigilance. Include brief recommendations for bike safety.
Receive several emails requesting bike haven inside office. Reject requests. Bike Policy remains. Violators of policy will have their bikes clamped. Possibly removed to front courtyard with no lock.
Receive email form Managing Director’s PA. Office Move meeting moved to Thursday AM due to diary clash. Respond accordingly.
That is all…
Interview member of staff. Ascertain rough time front bike light stolen.
Log into building CCTV system. Select camera relevant. Input time and date parameters. Review footage. 8.11am. Member of staff arrives. Secures bike. Adjusts trousers. Enters building. 8.16am. Second member of staff arrives. On foot. Talking on telephone. 8.23am. Hooded youth enters front courtyard. Looks around. Observes bikes in bike rack. Quickly identifies target. Steals forward. Steals light. 8.28. Retreats to street. Five minutes flat. Impressive. Log into secondary camera near street. East facing. No footage. Suggests hooded youth absconded in westerly direction.
Inform local Safer Neighbourhoods Policing Team. Note irony of name. Obtain crime reference number. Furnish member of staff with crime reference number for insurance purposes. Screen grab image of hooded youth. send out immediate allstaffer with image urging vigilance. Include brief recommendations for bike safety.
Receive several emails requesting bike haven inside office. Reject requests. Bike Policy remains. Violators of policy will have their bikes clamped. Possibly removed to front courtyard with no lock.
Receive email form Managing Director’s PA. Office Move meeting moved to Thursday AM due to diary clash. Respond accordingly.
That is all…
Friday
Work Experience and Teabagger
Receive email form Managing Director’s PA. Office Move meeting moved to Tuesday PM due to diary clash. Respond accordingly.
Receive call from one of two potential work experience placement candidates. Akil. Very keen. Very eager. Unavailable for pre-arranged interview due to gastric flu. Questionable. Response to interview questions rated medium to impressive. Free ASAP. Could be tool in Contraband Fork investigation. Possible to team him up with Olivia when not needed by me. Keen to experience role. Willing to go out of remit when required. No job too small. Willing to work for travel reimbursement. Lives close. Travel reimbursement cost minimal. Way under budget. Engage services. To begin Monday AM.
Receive call from second of two potential work experience placement candidates. Lucy. Called too late. Not interested. Goodbye.
Anger. Kitchen hygiene has been violated. Teabag left in sink. Unacceptable. Blatant disregard for Kitchen Hygiene. Log into Kitchen Cam CCTV on food preparation area. Blank screen. Network feed not interrupted. Investigate. Piece of White 80gsm A4 paper secure in front of lens with Blue Tac. Remove paper. Remove Blue Tac. Remove slight grease residue of Blue Tac from wall. More anger. Teabag and lens obscuration blatant personal attack. Wait. Think. Revenge.
Note to assign Akil to observe Olivia’s tea-making habits.
That is all…
Receive call from one of two potential work experience placement candidates. Akil. Very keen. Very eager. Unavailable for pre-arranged interview due to gastric flu. Questionable. Response to interview questions rated medium to impressive. Free ASAP. Could be tool in Contraband Fork investigation. Possible to team him up with Olivia when not needed by me. Keen to experience role. Willing to go out of remit when required. No job too small. Willing to work for travel reimbursement. Lives close. Travel reimbursement cost minimal. Way under budget. Engage services. To begin Monday AM.
Receive call from second of two potential work experience placement candidates. Lucy. Called too late. Not interested. Goodbye.
Anger. Kitchen hygiene has been violated. Teabag left in sink. Unacceptable. Blatant disregard for Kitchen Hygiene. Log into Kitchen Cam CCTV on food preparation area. Blank screen. Network feed not interrupted. Investigate. Piece of White 80gsm A4 paper secure in front of lens with Blue Tac. Remove paper. Remove Blue Tac. Remove slight grease residue of Blue Tac from wall. More anger. Teabag and lens obscuration blatant personal attack. Wait. Think. Revenge.
Note to assign Akil to observe Olivia’s tea-making habits.
That is all…
Wednesday
Work Experience and Kitchen Cam
Consult work experience candidate file. Investigate CV’s for potential two week placement. Start ASAP. Look for outstanding applicants. None. Look for enthusiasm. Limited. Look for good grammar. Three potentials selected. Send immediate email to three potential candidates requesting further information relating to goals. Ambitions. Await response.
Kitchen Cam returned to full functionality. Position moved. More secure. Hidden. Network feed for Kitchen Cam strengthened. Further security. Set Kitchen Cam to record between 8am and 8pm.
Make discrete enquiries regarding Fork Policy infringement. Try small talk. Don’t like small talk.
That is all…
Kitchen Cam returned to full functionality. Position moved. More secure. Hidden. Network feed for Kitchen Cam strengthened. Further security. Set Kitchen Cam to record between 8am and 8pm.
Make discrete enquiries regarding Fork Policy infringement. Try small talk. Don’t like small talk.
That is all…
Fork Policy Compromised
Receive response from Olivia RE suspicious lack of sign-in and sign-out of forks. Anger. Certain individual has black-market fork business. Providing disposable and regular forks for general usage. Actions contravene Fork Policy. Identity unknown. Think. Draw up list of suspects. Include Olivia. Move Olivia to top. Opportunity. Check. Reception is central. Heart of company. Comes into contact with everyone. Easy to move contraband forks through area. Motive. Check. Gain favour within company. Be seen as friendly face amongst sea of policies. Resources. Weekly petty cash budget. Fully equipped stationery/office equipment catalogue. Note to check invoices. Note to approach Olivia with caution. Do not want to compromise spoon policies. Gather evidence before accusation. Strike other suspects from list.
Send immediate allstaffer informing that I am aware of underground fork activity. Unnerve Olivia. Unnerve her she makes a mistake.
Log into Kitchen Cam. CCTV on food preparation area. Tool to combat abuse of services. Blank screen. Investigate network connection. Fully functional. Conduct physical inspection. Anger. Camera disconnected. Disregard for system. DISRESPECT!
Send immediate allstaffer informing of damage to company property. Point out legal charges could be brought against assailant.
That is all…
Send immediate allstaffer informing that I am aware of underground fork activity. Unnerve Olivia. Unnerve her she makes a mistake.
Log into Kitchen Cam. CCTV on food preparation area. Tool to combat abuse of services. Blank screen. Investigate network connection. Fully functional. Conduct physical inspection. Anger. Camera disconnected. Disregard for system. DISRESPECT!
Send immediate allstaffer informing of damage to company property. Point out legal charges could be brought against assailant.
That is all…
Monday
CCTV Upgrade
CCTV company arrive to replace broken camera. Three month wait. Providing upgrade and additional camera. Good will gesture. Engineers more likely to be caught on camera than installing one. Call me mate. Guv. Flirt with Olivia. Note to go over contractor relations policy with Olivia. In particular not distracting said contractors from doing work. Makes them tea. Doesn’t make me tea. Never makes me tea. Make own tea. Return to desk.
Receive follow up email from Area Stationery Rep. New price list attached. Review with interest. Trial price for Silver Sheen 32mm large lipped paperclip to remain indefinitely. New range of alternate products present 40% saving across the board. Pleased. Respond to email accepting new product range. Make point that costs should be reviewed ongoing. Shouldn’t take threat of contract termination to initiate review. Account management should be proactive. Suggest monthly meetings. Remember ‘talon’ nails. Suggest quarterly meetings. Suggest more detailed invoices. Note to tell Olivia to log who orders what stationery. Send out immediate allstaffer with new Stationery Policy. All stationery to be ordered through Olivia. Submit form signed by line manager for items requested. Form attached. Receive emails back asking for a drawing pin. A rubber. A piece of paper. Delete. Delete. Delete.
New camera installed. CCTV now networked. Able to log in from arm. Efficient. Pleased. Quality of new cameras superb. Test capability. Zoom in on bike racks. See Olivia leaving for lunch. Follow Olivia. Watch Olivia. Sign engineers paperwork. Olivia gone.
Decide to time her lunch break. Time code footage. Wait.
That is all…
Receive follow up email from Area Stationery Rep. New price list attached. Review with interest. Trial price for Silver Sheen 32mm large lipped paperclip to remain indefinitely. New range of alternate products present 40% saving across the board. Pleased. Respond to email accepting new product range. Make point that costs should be reviewed ongoing. Shouldn’t take threat of contract termination to initiate review. Account management should be proactive. Suggest monthly meetings. Remember ‘talon’ nails. Suggest quarterly meetings. Suggest more detailed invoices. Note to tell Olivia to log who orders what stationery. Send out immediate allstaffer with new Stationery Policy. All stationery to be ordered through Olivia. Submit form signed by line manager for items requested. Form attached. Receive emails back asking for a drawing pin. A rubber. A piece of paper. Delete. Delete. Delete.
New camera installed. CCTV now networked. Able to log in from arm. Efficient. Pleased. Quality of new cameras superb. Test capability. Zoom in on bike racks. See Olivia leaving for lunch. Follow Olivia. Watch Olivia. Sign engineers paperwork. Olivia gone.
Decide to time her lunch break. Time code footage. Wait.
That is all…
Friday
NO RESPECT!!!!
Log into Kitchen Cam.
CCTV on food preparation area. Tool to combat flagrant abuse of the facilities.
It’s not working.
T-Bags on the kitchen top. Food on the kitchen top. Food in the sink. Dishes left to rot. Disease invited to lunch! Extreme measures needed. Allstaffer sent out with a warning. No response. Why would there be, they’ve all died from the dysentery they invited into the kitchen. If only. Think. Wait. Revenge.
That is all...
CCTV on food preparation area. Tool to combat flagrant abuse of the facilities.
It’s not working.
T-Bags on the kitchen top. Food on the kitchen top. Food in the sink. Dishes left to rot. Disease invited to lunch! Extreme measures needed. Allstaffer sent out with a warning. No response. Why would there be, they’ve all died from the dysentery they invited into the kitchen. If only. Think. Wait. Revenge.
That is all...
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