Fork Policy Compromised

Receive response from Olivia RE suspicious lack of sign-in and sign-out of forks. Anger. Certain individual has black-market fork business. Providing disposable and regular forks for general usage. Actions contravene Fork Policy. Identity unknown. Think. Draw up list of suspects. Include Olivia. Move Olivia to top. Opportunity. Check. Reception is central. Heart of company. Comes into contact with everyone. Easy to move contraband forks through area. Motive. Check. Gain favour within company. Be seen as friendly face amongst sea of policies. Resources. Weekly petty cash budget. Fully equipped stationery/office equipment catalogue. Note to check invoices. Note to approach Olivia with caution. Do not want to compromise spoon policies. Gather evidence before accusation. Strike other suspects from list.

Send immediate allstaffer informing that I am aware of underground fork activity. Unnerve Olivia. Unnerve her she makes a mistake.

Log into Kitchen Cam. CCTV on food preparation area. Tool to combat abuse of services. Blank screen. Investigate network connection. Fully functional. Conduct physical inspection. Anger. Camera disconnected. Disregard for system. DISRESPECT!

Send immediate allstaffer informing of damage to company property. Point out legal charges could be brought against assailant.

That is all…

CCTV Upgrade

CCTV company arrive to replace broken camera. Three month wait. Providing upgrade and additional camera. Good will gesture. Engineers more likely to be caught on camera than installing one. Call me mate. Guv. Flirt with Olivia. Note to go over contractor relations policy with Olivia. In particular not distracting said contractors from doing work. Makes them tea. Doesn’t make me tea. Never makes me tea. Make own tea. Return to desk.

Receive follow up email from Area Stationery Rep. New price list attached. Review with interest. Trial price for Silver Sheen 32mm large lipped paperclip to remain indefinitely. New range of alternate products present 40% saving across the board. Pleased. Respond to email accepting new product range. Make point that costs should be reviewed ongoing. Shouldn’t take threat of contract termination to initiate review. Account management should be proactive. Suggest monthly meetings. Remember ‘talon’ nails. Suggest quarterly meetings. Suggest more detailed invoices. Note to tell Olivia to log who orders what stationery. Send out immediate allstaffer with new Stationery Policy. All stationery to be ordered through Olivia. Submit form signed by line manager for items requested. Form attached. Receive emails back asking for a drawing pin. A rubber. A piece of paper. Delete. Delete. Delete.

New camera installed. CCTV now networked. Able to log in from arm. Efficient. Pleased. Quality of new cameras superb. Test capability. Zoom in on bike racks. See Olivia leaving for lunch. Follow Olivia. Watch Olivia. Sign engineers paperwork. Olivia gone.

Decide to time her lunch break. Time code footage. Wait.

That is all…

Stationery meeting

Area Stationery Rep and one other. Never met him. Area Rep confused. From furniture and space planning arm of business. Tagging along with Area Stationery Rep to meet existing clients. Here to help with all furniture and space planning needs. Get out. Waste of time. Take card anyway. Move to planned agenda. Express concerns at 36% increase on monthly invoice. Area Stationery Rep smiles. Laughs. Touches hand. Don’t touch hand. Long finger nails. Fake tan. Pink lipstick. Too old for all three. Offers alternate products. Offers discount. 36% deficit removed. Happy. Touches hand again. Not happy. Furniture and space man grins. Feel sick. Fee dirty. Tell them of plan to review ALL suppliers. Area Stationery Rep will come back to me with revised prices and service agreement. They leave. Relief.

Final two feedback for Olivia. “Friendly.” “Approachable.” “Can Do Attitude.” No detail. Search for improvement comments. None showing. Email back requesting additional information.

That is all…