Budget Meeting

Budget meeting with MD. Finally. Arrive with report. Olivia already in meeting room. Skirt too short. Top too low. Hair good. Laughing with MD. Joking. Bonding. Eating biscuits. Note to refresh Olivia on meeting room policy regarding internal meetings and biscuit distribution. Enter room. Laughter stops. Meeting begins. Outline actual spend. Outline projected spend. Outline suggestions for potential savings. Highlight overspend on Julia the Junior. Outline 30% saving based on new supplier rostra. Outline projected savings related to tightening of internal policy. Highlight overspend on biscuits.

MD thinks.

MD asks Olivia opinion.

Olivia makes biscuit related joke. They laugh. I don’t.

MD has question related to report. Direct him to FAQ section of report. MD is satisfied.

MD has further question related to report. Direct him to FAQ section of report. MD is satisfied.

MD has further question related to report. Direct him to FAQ section of report. MD is satisfied.

MD has question related to FAQ section of report. That was a joke. Apparently. He laughs. Olivia laughs. I attempt laugh. Emit squeak.

Meeting ends. MD leaves. Will “digest data.”

Remind Olivia of meeting policy relating to biscuits. Instruct her to clear meeting room. Set up for next meeting. She uses phone contacts Julia the Junior. Instructs Julia the Junior to clear meeting room. Set up for next meeting.

Note to review Olivia’s responsibilities.

Receive diarised reminder. Julia the Junior nearing end of probation period. Successful probation period = full term contract. Successful probation period subject to feedback and performance review. Non successful probation = immediate termination. Email Olivia to book meeting room.

That is all…

Fork Fallout Continues. Office Move Meeting.

Office Move Meeting. Wait 30 minutes past start time. Nobody attends. Disappointed. Return to desk. Begin email to Managing Director. No need. Receive email from Managing Director regarding office move and office move meeting. Plans put on hold for foreseeable future. Respond accordingly. File plans in blue sky projects folder. Email Olivia to clear secondary boardroom. Instruct to return biscuits to biscuit store. Note to check all biscuits were returned.

Continuing stream of emails regarding forks. Continue responding that Dan the Man is point of contact. Receive email from Daniel. Dan the man. Congratulates me on winning the battle. Email meant in good humour. Received as such. Respond pointing out importance of order in abnormally small kitchen. Receive response agreeing with stance. Contraband fork battle over.

For now.

That is all…

First Aid Course – Day 2

Arrive early. Cornered by Know All. He has a story. Pray for anyone else. Art Garfunkel hair arrives. Man on bicycle arrives. Removes bicycle clips. Makes joke. I query plan for day. Confused looks. More tea. More arrivals. New banter. Not involved. Flirty and Flirty 2 flirt. Twitchy laughs. Flirty laughs. Innocent laughs. Quiet laughs. Closet laughs. Cool laughs. Thug laughs. Actor laughs. Everyones Friend laughs. Dim laughs. White Van Man laughs. Posh laughs. Serial Course Attender laughs. Me – I don’t laugh. Know All has a story. Pub invite missing. Again. Maybe tonight. Maybe not. Enjoy biscuit.

Know Olivia is enjoying biscuit. Anger. More tea.

That is all…

First Aid Course – Getting to know you

Late start. Time for tea and biscuits. Have flash of Olivia throwing biscuits to the masses. Make note to reprimand. Remember guilty expression on mention of biscuit audit. Drink tea. Small talk. Get on with it. Here to learn.

Finally. Sit in circle. Get to know each other. Hideous. Hate speaking. Hate strangers. Observe colleagues. Twitchy. Flirty. Innocent. Quiet. Closet. Cool. Thug. Know all. Flirty 2. Actor. Everyones Friend. Dim. White Van Man. Posh. Serial Course Attender. Me.

Ice breaker. Game. Partner up. Game. Share accident stories. Interesting. Know All has story. Know All has comment on other stories. Know All speaks. Quickly nobody listens.

More games. More talk. Break. Tea. Biscuits. Video. Lecture. Make notes. Receive First Aid kit. Go through kit. Smells clean. I smile.

That is all…

Handover meeting

Olivia. Skirt too short. Top too low. Comment? I decide not. Grasps handover notes fine. Unconvinced. Go over again. Outline expectations. Top too tight. Skirt too tight. Beautiful hair. Comment? No. Reveal biscuit audit plans. She flinches. Guilty.

Tidy desk. Set out of office. Collect directions to training centre. Three days away. Wave goodbye.

Nobody waves back.

That is all...

Meeting of Minds

The minutes before the meeting is due to begin there is a build up of excitement.

The air becomes thick with potential, the pounding heart of creativity is ready to beat and the free flowing beverage and note making facility will be right there at the centre of it. In those silent thrilling moments, I feel closer to God. Adjust spoon. Adjust spoon back. Nerves. Leave room.

Wait.

Delegates enter. Approach table. Heart beats strong. Pride. File dumped. Setting disturbed. Biscuits fall.

That is all...

They’ve been set-up

A good meeting setup is essential for the free flow of ideas.

Glass table must be streak free. Easily accessible beverage options and note making facilities must be perpendicular to each other with a sound distance attaining to each item. The appearance should be neat and functional, not under any circumstances busy! Each delegate place setting should be equidistant from the previous. Chairs should be the same height. Glasses should be steams with no streaks. Mugs handles must all point in the direction of the next delegate. A buffed teaspoon must also be readily available. Biscuits must be arranged to look attractive and also attainable. Nobody will touch a hobnob if they feel it will bring the rest of the display crashing down. Napkins must be on hand to eradicate the impending danger of crumbs.

Enough time should be left to step back and assess the setup.

That is all...