Assessment and Goodbye

Theory into practice. Assessors arrive. Nerves. Must complete two scenarios and resuscitation. Consult notes. Know All has a story. Know All has wise words. Everybody sighs. Nobody listens.

Allocated number. One by one goes in. Comes out. Some smiles. Some indifferent. Basic scenarios. Resuscitation instructor is very small. Midget or Dwarf? Neither just short. He’s touchy about it. Note to self, don’t stare or make reference to size. Know All goes in. Me next.

Number called. Nerves. Greet assessor. Greet “casualty” – old woman. Tan. Receive instruction. Bandage knee. Woman helps. Attempt recovery position. Woman moves into position by herself. Not fair. All over. Move to resuscitation. Assessor is really short. Try not to look. Can’t help but stare. Looks like his Dads’ suit. Resuscitate. Dummy not realistic. No arms. No legs. Rubber wig. Smells like Marigolds. Assessor marks. I leave room. Don’t make eye contact. Can’t make eye contact. Too short.

Assessment over. All in circle. All pass. Certificate in post. I breath. I smile. Well done. Well done all. Everyone shares reasons for attending course. Most for work. Serial Course Attender is off on advanced First Aid. Thug training to be children’s football coach. Know All had baby son who died. He didn’t know what to do. Felt helpless.

Silence.

That is all…

First Aid Course – Final Lesson

Arrive early. Cornered by Know All. I’m reading notes! He doesn’t care. He has a story. People arrive. See me. See Know All. Smile with sympathy. They all avoid helping escape. Busy with banter. More pub stories. No interest. No invite. Again. Art Garfunkel Hair and Man on Bicycle arrive. Into lesson. About time.

Cuts. Gashes. Protruding bone. Black. Blurry. Sweet tea. Sympathy. Stifled laughter. Slight reddening of face. Know All has a story. Continue. Poorly acted video. Group session. Use rubber gloves. Use caution. Use bandage. Raise arm. Lower arm. Recovery position. Which leg goes where? Arm over there. Leg here. Roll. Comfort.

Break.

Biscuits. Tea. More banter. Know All has a story. All laugh and ignore. He talks to me. Finish tea. Go to toilet. Hide in toilet. Toilet is dirty. Make note to mention this on feedback sheet.

That is all…

First Aid Course – Day 2

Arrive early. Cornered by Know All. He has a story. Pray for anyone else. Art Garfunkel hair arrives. Man on bicycle arrives. Removes bicycle clips. Makes joke. I query plan for day. Confused looks. More tea. More arrivals. New banter. Not involved. Flirty and Flirty 2 flirt. Twitchy laughs. Flirty laughs. Innocent laughs. Quiet laughs. Closet laughs. Cool laughs. Thug laughs. Actor laughs. Everyones Friend laughs. Dim laughs. White Van Man laughs. Posh laughs. Serial Course Attender laughs. Me – I don’t laugh. Know All has a story. Pub invite missing. Again. Maybe tonight. Maybe not. Enjoy biscuit.

Know Olivia is enjoying biscuit. Anger. More tea.

That is all…

First Aid Course – Getting to know you

Late start. Time for tea and biscuits. Have flash of Olivia throwing biscuits to the masses. Make note to reprimand. Remember guilty expression on mention of biscuit audit. Drink tea. Small talk. Get on with it. Here to learn.

Finally. Sit in circle. Get to know each other. Hideous. Hate speaking. Hate strangers. Observe colleagues. Twitchy. Flirty. Innocent. Quiet. Closet. Cool. Thug. Know all. Flirty 2. Actor. Everyones Friend. Dim. White Van Man. Posh. Serial Course Attender. Me.

Ice breaker. Game. Partner up. Game. Share accident stories. Interesting. Know All has story. Know All has comment on other stories. Know All speaks. Quickly nobody listens.

More games. More talk. Break. Tea. Biscuits. Video. Lecture. Make notes. Receive First Aid kit. Go through kit. Smells clean. I smile.

That is all…

First Aid Course – Day 1

Planned route abandoned. Transport chaos. Enable Plan B. Negotiate madness. Successfully carry out Route Plan B. Arrive early. Training centre locked. Wait. Look at watch. People loiter. More arrive. Man on bicycle arrives. Greets crowd. Produces keys. Tries many. Success with none. Calls ‘June’. June stuck on bus. Removes bicycle clips. Wait for June. Tedious small talk. I refrain. Relationships start to form. I watch. Man off bicycle makes jokes. Not funny. Course now thrity minutes behind. Weather dubious. Possible showers. Lack of keys. Wet and late. June arrives. Art Garfunkel hair. Finally.

That is all…

Go away!

Call. Again. We have a photocopier. Again. Happy with service. Again. Very happy with service. Again. No point putting time in next week. Again. Very happy with service. Again. No need to discuss further options. Again. There are no options. AGAIN! Go away. Won’t go away. Call in six months.

Tell receptionist I WILL be dead in six months.

No more photocopier calls.

Process payment for First Aid course with notable organisation. Await confirmation of course booking. Nerves. New people. Responsibility. Save lives. Give out plasters.

That is all...