Budget Meeting

Budget meeting with MD. Finally. Arrive with report. Olivia already in meeting room. Skirt too short. Top too low. Hair good. Laughing with MD. Joking. Bonding. Eating biscuits. Note to refresh Olivia on meeting room policy regarding internal meetings and biscuit distribution. Enter room. Laughter stops. Meeting begins. Outline actual spend. Outline projected spend. Outline suggestions for potential savings. Highlight overspend on Julia the Junior. Outline 30% saving based on new supplier rostra. Outline projected savings related to tightening of internal policy. Highlight overspend on biscuits.

MD thinks.

MD asks Olivia opinion.

Olivia makes biscuit related joke. They laugh. I don’t.

MD has question related to report. Direct him to FAQ section of report. MD is satisfied.

MD has further question related to report. Direct him to FAQ section of report. MD is satisfied.

MD has further question related to report. Direct him to FAQ section of report. MD is satisfied.

MD has question related to FAQ section of report. That was a joke. Apparently. He laughs. Olivia laughs. I attempt laugh. Emit squeak.

Meeting ends. MD leaves. Will “digest data.”

Remind Olivia of meeting policy relating to biscuits. Instruct her to clear meeting room. Set up for next meeting. She uses phone contacts Julia the Junior. Instructs Julia the Junior to clear meeting room. Set up for next meeting.

Note to review Olivia’s responsibilities.

Receive diarised reminder. Julia the Junior nearing end of probation period. Successful probation period = full term contract. Successful probation period subject to feedback and performance review. Non successful probation = immediate termination. Email Olivia to book meeting room.

That is all…

Fork Fallout. Temp CVs.

Receive email from Amber regarding temp replacement for Olivia during annual leave. No CVs attached. Respond accordingly. Receive immediate phone call. Effervescent voice. Over the top. Amber. Having one of those days. Hilarious. Just send CVs now. Receive email with CV attachments. Begin review. Impressive selection. Select four within budgeted salary range. Request references.

Prepare secondary boardroom for Office Move Meeting. Abandon usual Internal Meeting Biscuit Policy and provide plain Digestive biscuits along with tea and coffee. Prep audiovisual equipment for presentation of prospective floor layouts and move initiative.

Inbox flooded with fork requests and queries. Respond suggesting Dan the man is relevant point of contact.

That is all…

Stationery meeting

Area Stationery Rep and one other. Never met him. Area Rep confused. From furniture and space planning arm of business. Tagging along with Area Stationery Rep to meet existing clients. Here to help with all furniture and space planning needs. Get out. Waste of time. Take card anyway. Move to planned agenda. Express concerns at 36% increase on monthly invoice. Area Stationery Rep smiles. Laughs. Touches hand. Don’t touch hand. Long finger nails. Fake tan. Pink lipstick. Too old for all three. Offers alternate products. Offers discount. 36% deficit removed. Happy. Touches hand again. Not happy. Furniture and space man grins. Feel sick. Fee dirty. Tell them of plan to review ALL suppliers. Area Stationery Rep will come back to me with revised prices and service agreement. They leave. Relief.

Final two feedback for Olivia. “Friendly.” “Approachable.” “Can Do Attitude.” No detail. Search for improvement comments. None showing. Email back requesting additional information.

That is all…

Here again

The man in the scarf. Back again.

Yes standards have slipped. Again.

More attention to detail. Again.

Better communication with cleaners. Again.

Same weak handshake. Again.

They have a month to improve.

Note to investigate new cleaning companies. Dislike scarves.

That is all...

They’ve been set-up

A good meeting setup is essential for the free flow of ideas.

Glass table must be streak free. Easily accessible beverage options and note making facilities must be perpendicular to each other with a sound distance attaining to each item. The appearance should be neat and functional, not under any circumstances busy! Each delegate place setting should be equidistant from the previous. Chairs should be the same height. Glasses should be steams with no streaks. Mugs handles must all point in the direction of the next delegate. A buffed teaspoon must also be readily available. Biscuits must be arranged to look attractive and also attainable. Nobody will touch a hobnob if they feel it will bring the rest of the display crashing down. Napkins must be on hand to eradicate the impending danger of crumbs.

Enough time should be left to step back and assess the setup.

That is all...