Year so far stagnant. Julia the Junior relieved of duty. Possible indiscretion with MD. FD. Head of Marketing. Carlos the Cleaner. Final wage shows deduction of criminal damage to Kitchen Cam.
Prepare budget spend for forthcoming year. Present savings from supplier changes.
Restructuring business. Restructuring department. Restructuring role. Olivia taking on more responsibility. Assess options. Reformat CV. Evaluate probability of termination. Evaluate treatment with company. Evaluate life. Prepare report. Self use only. Decide to file for considered thought.
That is all...
Thursday
Tuesday
Supplier Lunch – Man in the Scarf
Pierced Temp calls. Man in the Scarf. Cleaning company account manager in reception. Taking me for lunch. Christmas thank you for years business. Reassure competence in Pierced Temp ability to cope solo. No issue. Greet Man in the Scarf. Same weak handshake. New scarf.
Restaurant pleasant. Busy. Waiter keen to take order quickly. Points out large Christmas party in for lunch. Order quick or wait long. Decide on Goats Cheese Tart. Pheasant. Dessert TBC. Man in the Scarf orders same. Selects mid-priced Pinot Noir. Orders two beers. Talks a lot. Keeps scarf on.
Cleaning business good. New clients. New innovations. Implementing new Health and Safety practices. Keen to learn more. Man in the scarf keen to move on. More wine. Asks about Christmas Party. Keep information minimal. More wine. Questions quality of cleaners work clearing aftermath. Reasonably pleased. More wine. Asks about company. Give overview of annual company performance. Man in the scarf orders second bottle of Pinot Noir. Two more beers. Starter arrives. Tasty. Consume second bottle. Man in the Scarf orders third bottle. Two more beers. Main course undercooked. Complaining futile. Large Christmas party in full swing. Very loud. Playing pass the parcel. All suits. Decline dessert. Man in the Scarf orders Port. Check time. Need to return to office. Email Pierced Temp. Receive response. All fine. Office quiet. Decline invitation to “move things up a level.”
Man in the Scarf settles bill. Says farewell. Same weak handshake. Feel dizzy.
That is all…
Restaurant pleasant. Busy. Waiter keen to take order quickly. Points out large Christmas party in for lunch. Order quick or wait long. Decide on Goats Cheese Tart. Pheasant. Dessert TBC. Man in the Scarf orders same. Selects mid-priced Pinot Noir. Orders two beers. Talks a lot. Keeps scarf on.
Cleaning business good. New clients. New innovations. Implementing new Health and Safety practices. Keen to learn more. Man in the scarf keen to move on. More wine. Asks about Christmas Party. Keep information minimal. More wine. Questions quality of cleaners work clearing aftermath. Reasonably pleased. More wine. Asks about company. Give overview of annual company performance. Man in the scarf orders second bottle of Pinot Noir. Two more beers. Starter arrives. Tasty. Consume second bottle. Man in the Scarf orders third bottle. Two more beers. Main course undercooked. Complaining futile. Large Christmas party in full swing. Very loud. Playing pass the parcel. All suits. Decline dessert. Man in the Scarf orders Port. Check time. Need to return to office. Email Pierced Temp. Receive response. All fine. Office quiet. Decline invitation to “move things up a level.”
Man in the Scarf settles bill. Says farewell. Same weak handshake. Feel dizzy.
That is all…
Monday
Business as Unsual
Office quiet. Christmas wind down in effect. Julia the Junior absent. Sick leave. Olivia absent. Annual leave. Relief. Reception manned by temp. No issue. Competent. Friendly. Pierced eyebrow. Long hair. Undercut. Suspect tattoos.
No comeback from Christmas party. People smiling. Saying hello. More than usual. Questioning recovery on Friday. Feel accepted. Strange.
That is all...
No comeback from Christmas party. People smiling. Saying hello. More than usual. Questioning recovery on Friday. Feel accepted. Strange.
That is all...
Friday
Christmas Party - Aftermath Continued
Head banging. Stomach churning. Contraband Eggnog taste still in mouth. Office deserted all day. Complete disaster zone. Discover female underwear in three separate locations. Discovered male sock on Christmas tree. Kitchen Cam removed from wall. Destroyed.
Contact cleaning company to commence clean up operation. Man in the scarf laughs down phone. Inappropriate response from service provider. Note to review contract in new year.
Survey office for damage. Kitchen Cam only true casualty. Additional mess manageable. Begin checklist and plan for cleaners.
Discover inappropriate graffiti in client toilet. Send out immediate allstaffer regarding size and nature of drawing. Looks like it had been traced. Suspect perpetrator still has black outline on self. Contemplate ID parade. Impractical. Depleted workforce in attendance.
Note to write strongly worded letter to Karaoke company. Note to quote appropriate sections of Health and Safety legislation relating to electrical goods.
Note to call Julia the Junior in for immediate disciplinary.
Note to follow up discussion with MD relating to payrise.
Note to apologise to Olivia…
That is all…
Contact cleaning company to commence clean up operation. Man in the scarf laughs down phone. Inappropriate response from service provider. Note to review contract in new year.
Survey office for damage. Kitchen Cam only true casualty. Additional mess manageable. Begin checklist and plan for cleaners.
Discover inappropriate graffiti in client toilet. Send out immediate allstaffer regarding size and nature of drawing. Looks like it had been traced. Suspect perpetrator still has black outline on self. Contemplate ID parade. Impractical. Depleted workforce in attendance.
Note to write strongly worded letter to Karaoke company. Note to quote appropriate sections of Health and Safety legislation relating to electrical goods.
Note to call Julia the Junior in for immediate disciplinary.
Note to follow up discussion with MD relating to payrise.
Note to apologise to Olivia…
That is all…
Christmas Party Week - Day 5 Aftermath
Woke up 4am. Boardroom Sofa. Comfortable. Three seater in charcoal. 30% terylene, 40% viscose, 30% acrylic, solid wood frame, stainless steel legs. Amazing quality. Ergonomically sound. Head hurts. Vision hazy. Memory shot. Wake up clutching Olivia’s shoe. Confused.
That is all…
That is all…
Thursday
Christmas Party Week – Day 4(4)
Out of hand. Bar area compromised. Karaoke machine emitting smoke. Illegal contraband Eggnog flowing. Christmas playlist hacked. Music loud. Olivia outfit amazing.
That is all…
That is all…
Christmas Party Week – Day 4(3)
Change into Baron Von Trapp. Pimp outfit with thin leather tie.
That is all…
That is all…
Christmas Party Week – Day 4(2)
Contraband. Unauthorised Eggnog distributed throughout office. Potent. Contravenes Drugs and Alcohol Policy. MD intoxicated. Level of employee intoxication bordering on Health and Safety breach. Consult Kitchen Cam. Device used to observe flagrant abuse of kitchen facilities. No evidence. All staff affected. Julia the Junior AWOL. Olivia smiling. Not close enough to smell breath.
Begin set-up of “party” area. Julia the Junior still AWOL. Olivia covers reception. No help with set-up. Engage set-up plan. Relocate employees in allocated area. Forward telephones to hot desk locations. Ensure desks are cleared. All desk top items accounted for. Documented. Secure items. Move furniture. Designate bar area. Effectively stock bar and two relocated kitchen fridges. Ensure alcohol and soft drinks only accessible from bar manager area. Contemplate creating “No Eggnog” sign. No time. Disregard thought. Layout “Katona” food. Unsure of quality. Urgh.
Karaoke company arrives. Company = 1 man. Big. Beard. Long Hair. Baseball cap. Shorts! Tunage Karaoke. Mr Tunage very excited. Never done an office before. Express concerns about voltage. Load sharing. Fuse capacity. Mr Tunage is confident. Sets up. Tests system. Eye of the Tiger. He’s good. Suggests I try. For luck. Decline. Tunage slaps back. Shouts enjoy. Winks. Leaves. Long evening ahead.
That is all…
Begin set-up of “party” area. Julia the Junior still AWOL. Olivia covers reception. No help with set-up. Engage set-up plan. Relocate employees in allocated area. Forward telephones to hot desk locations. Ensure desks are cleared. All desk top items accounted for. Documented. Secure items. Move furniture. Designate bar area. Effectively stock bar and two relocated kitchen fridges. Ensure alcohol and soft drinks only accessible from bar manager area. Contemplate creating “No Eggnog” sign. No time. Disregard thought. Layout “Katona” food. Unsure of quality. Urgh.
Karaoke company arrives. Company = 1 man. Big. Beard. Long Hair. Baseball cap. Shorts! Tunage Karaoke. Mr Tunage very excited. Never done an office before. Express concerns about voltage. Load sharing. Fuse capacity. Mr Tunage is confident. Sets up. Tests system. Eye of the Tiger. He’s good. Suggests I try. For luck. Decline. Tunage slaps back. Shouts enjoy. Winks. Leaves. Long evening ahead.
That is all…
Christmas Party Week – Day 4(1)
“Party” day. Arrive early. Three hours before office opens. Decorate office. Construct festive experience in entrance hall. Employ 160 Net Christmas Decoration Lights – Warm White. 8 functions: combination, steady on, twin-light chasing, in wave, twinkle, flashing, slo-glo and stepping on. Select wave function. May vary later in day. Remainder of entrance experience consists of; 9ft Green Plain Garland, Snow Spray Aerosol 150mlx3 to cover Garland with “snow.” Remainder of office daubed – at random – with Silver Tinsel – Chunky, Ruby Red Tinsel – Chunky, Forest Green Tinsel – Chunky. Estimate 80% of office is festively attired. Remaining 20% in view of at least 3 festive areas/decorations. Upload self-populated low key Christmas playlist to office music system. Reserve up-tempo for “party.”
Prepare (warm) mince pies, hot chocolate and Christmas hat for employee arrival.
Olivia first to arrive. Distribute (warm) mince pie. Hot chocolate. Christmas hat. Olivia smiles. Check watch. She’s late. Note to review Olivia’s time keeping.
That is all…
Prepare (warm) mince pies, hot chocolate and Christmas hat for employee arrival.
Olivia first to arrive. Distribute (warm) mince pie. Hot chocolate. Christmas hat. Olivia smiles. Check watch. She’s late. Note to review Olivia’s time keeping.
That is all…
Wednesday
Christmas Party Week – Day 3(2)
Create Party Behavioural Policy in line with Company Handbook policies and regulations. Designed to protect integrity of company and staff. Last years incident must not be repeated. Phallic ornaments and Accounts Payable staff do not mix.
Submit Party Behavioural Policy to MD for approval. Receive email from PA to MD. Suggests meeting next week to discuss. Respond pointing out party is tomorrow. Receive email from PA to MD. Next week now not looking good. Perhaps New Year. Respond accordingly. No response. Aim to maintain policy no matter what. Party Behavioural Policy has gone rogue.
That is all…
Submit Party Behavioural Policy to MD for approval. Receive email from PA to MD. Suggests meeting next week to discuss. Respond pointing out party is tomorrow. Receive email from PA to MD. Next week now not looking good. Perhaps New Year. Respond accordingly. No response. Aim to maintain policy no matter what. Party Behavioural Policy has gone rogue.
That is all…
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