Christmas Party Week – Day 4(2)

Contraband. Unauthorised Eggnog distributed throughout office. Potent. Contravenes Drugs and Alcohol Policy. MD intoxicated. Level of employee intoxication bordering on Health and Safety breach. Consult Kitchen Cam. Device used to observe flagrant abuse of kitchen facilities. No evidence. All staff affected. Julia the Junior AWOL. Olivia smiling. Not close enough to smell breath.

Begin set-up of “party” area. Julia the Junior still AWOL. Olivia covers reception. No help with set-up. Engage set-up plan. Relocate employees in allocated area. Forward telephones to hot desk locations. Ensure desks are cleared. All desk top items accounted for. Documented. Secure items. Move furniture. Designate bar area. Effectively stock bar and two relocated kitchen fridges. Ensure alcohol and soft drinks only accessible from bar manager area. Contemplate creating “No Eggnog” sign. No time. Disregard thought. Layout “Katona” food. Unsure of quality. Urgh.

Karaoke company arrives. Company = 1 man. Big. Beard. Long Hair. Baseball cap. Shorts! Tunage Karaoke. Mr Tunage very excited. Never done an office before. Express concerns about voltage. Load sharing. Fuse capacity. Mr Tunage is confident. Sets up. Tests system. Eye of the Tiger. He’s good. Suggests I try. For luck. Decline. Tunage slaps back. Shouts enjoy. Winks. Leaves. Long evening ahead.

That is all…

Risk Assessment – Health and Safety Policy

Begin annual update of Health and Safety Policy. Consult previous Health and Safety Policy. Limited in detail. Insufficient. Written by novice. Note to inform Managing Director of predecessors failings. Again. Full overhaul of Health and Safety Policy required. New Health and Safety Policy required.

In line with Health and Safety regulations conduct Risk Assessment of offices. Step 1. Look for hazards. Ignore trivial. Concentrate on significant hazards. List hazards in column 1 of assessment form. Step 2. Think about people who might be harmed and how. Take into account people who may not be in workplace at all times. Cleaners. Man in the Scarf. Visitors. Contractors. List people who may be harmed in column 2 of assessment form. Step 3. Decide whether existing precautions are adequate. Negative. Further precautions are required to be implemented. Ask the question, “Can I eliminate the hazard?” If not, “How can I control it?” List all the controls that are in place in column 3. Step 4. In column 4. Risk factor. Assess the likelihood of the event actually occurring and severity of the event if an accident were to occur. When determined, calculate factor. Multiply the probability and the severity to decide whether risks are determined to be low. Medium. High. Step 5. List further action needed to adequately control the risk. Step 6. Review assessment. Make amendments. Submit Risk Assessment to Managing Director. Await response.

Risk Assessment complete. Begin new Health and Safety Policy. Be thorough. Be vigorous. Be vigilant. Health and Safety is the sleeping partner of any business.

That is all…

This is not a Halfords showroom!!!

Bikes. Environmentally friendly. Congestion friendly. Parked in office. Not office friendly. Tire tracks on the tiles. Oil on the rug. Protruding pump. Send allstaffer repeating instruction to not have bikes left in the office. Explain aesthetic disadvantages. Explain health and safety disadvantages. Remind of H&S policy. Quote appropriate section. Quote appropriate sub-section.

No response.

Think.

Extreme measures needed.

Wait. Think. Revenge.

That is all...